Dear mothers, sisters,
grandmothers, wives, partners, girlfriends, friends, daughters…
We write to you to bring to bear with big hearts and care an
issue that has been neglected, one that needs addressing in a format as
intimate as a letter. It is an intimate topic: after all, affairs of the heart
often are. A more structured outlook would only detract from the message we
hope to give you, one which very much runs counter to the general opinion found
on university campuses and, too often, in wider society.
The issue is a simple one.
You have lost faith in us, men. Without
detracting from the real difficulties women face - and we know that there are
real injustices against women - we beg you for your patience as we remind you
that you are loved. We are your fathers, grandfathers, brothers, sons and
friends, and it is certainly a warped reflection on society that we have to ask
the people who brought us into this world not to fear us. The issue is fear in
a world where we men, especially heterosexual men, have been vilified. This is not a whiny, unnecessary statement,
but a sad truth. It is despairing that the people who held us close to them at
birth often look at their creations in terror.
We will put the grand sentiment of emotive sentences aside. We can add statistics that show such fears
are justified. 1 in 4 women suffer
domestic abuse in the UK from a male partner (W-Fowler, 2020). This is a tragedy and greatly unsettling. We
understand why such a figure is horrifying, but when we consider such crimes,
it would also be unfair to define domestic violence as a crime which is
exclusively perpetrated by males.
According to Stonewall, 1 in 4 women who are in a lesbian partnership
are also victims of domestic abuse (Stonewall, 2020). This, of
course, does not detract from men being instigators of domestic violence, but
it does challenge the dominant societal and academic impression of male
masculinity being the sole driver of such horrors.
We will not, however, suggest that just because women can also
be abusers that this justifies the initial bold statement in this piece. Let's also
put the positive case forward for men.
It is an emotive case, based on the claim that we are not all hard,
violent and stone-hearted people: we can show love. A highly subjective word, love is hard to
define, but is also a word which is used confidently here. Love comes in
different forms - friendship, romance, familiarity - that cannot be represented
in statistics. It is emanated by a father holding his child's hand on the way
to school, the man waiting for a friend in the rain after class, or that
surprise loving gesture offered by a male partner. In the face of a tornado American NBC
correspondent Brian Williams demonstrated how love could compel a man into acts
of heroism (Stevens, 2020). This is not to glorify ‘sacrifice’
or the notion of ‘saving’ women, but it is testimony of how much we care.
We would ask those who are in academia to just step back and
count their positive experience of men in the workplace, and gamble on the fact
that are many instances of male colleagues offering genuine support, guidance
and collegiality. This is not a gambit, or an attack on equality and women's
rights. It does not diminish the fact that there are men who are guilty of
terrible abuses, nor the fact that there are real structural problems in
society posing distinct obstacles for women.
It does however ask women to revaluate their fear of men.
The words of Toni Morrison come to mind: ‘the enemy is not
men’ but ‘the concept of patriarchy’ (Morrison and Denard, 2008, p. 35). Yes engrained patriarchy is a difficulty
women face, but I will also admit a blasphemous ‘worriesium’, wondering if
patriarchy in itself is solely responsible for the atrocity of domestic
violence. If so, why are women equally
as liable to hurt their female partners as males are in heterosexual
relationships? Is this a male problem,
is masculinity to blame? Or, is there a
darker force at work that transcends gender? This is a call to open-up a new frontier: one
which starts to look at the struggle faced by women beyond the constraints of
gender.
We ask women-kind to look on your children more kindly: you
brought us into the world and we haven't stopped loving you.
With love
Author’s Note: the writing style has been made erratic on
purpose and any feedback on how effective it is in engaging you, the reader, would
be greatly appreciated. The lack of the trappings of professionalism found in
academic writing is also purposely done as a means of testing how best
knowledge can be conveyed to you. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I will
apologise to the continued challenge to academia: this is after all merely an attempt at
healthy use of falsification principle (Naraniecki, 2010). I hope you will respond.
References
Morrison, T. and Denard, C. (2008). Toni Morrison: conversations. Jackson:
University Press of Mississippi.
Naraniecki, A. (2010). Neo-Positivist or
Neo-Kantian? Karl Popper and the Vienna Circle. Philosophy, 85(4), pp.511-530.
Stevens, J. (2020). 'He's my hero': Wife reveals moment husband gave his life to save her
during tornado. [online] Mail Online. Available at:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1391145/Joplin-MO-tornado-Wife-talks-moment-husband-gave-life-save-her.html
[Accessed 2 Feb. 2020].
Stonewall. (2020). Domestic violence. [online] Available at:
https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/criminal-law/domestic-violence
[Accessed 2 Feb. 2020].
W-Fowler, A. (2020). Domestic Abuse Statistics | lwa.org.uk. [online] Lwa.org.uk.
Available at: https://www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics.htm
[Accessed 2 Feb. 2020].
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